Ashley

My 11 year old grand daughter died 2 weeks ago. She was doing something she loved the most....being with her family out on their boat.Her summers were filled with playing and animals and the outdoors. The water and her crab pots were among her favorites. She had come to Colorado this summer also. She had just returned home after visiting us with her brother, Jacob.

They have been coming out for 2 weeks for the past few summers, and we all really looked forward to these visits. We would have cookouts and lots of family over every day. Ashley would plan plays and craft days that she and her cousins would have. She was definitely the "ring leader" of all the grand kids and they all had a blast.

But this visit was a little different from the rest. She and I spent alot of time together---ALONE! That is unusual in this family to spend time ALONE with anyone as to the sheer numbers of people our family has. But we were able to, Ashley and I.

We went shopping together, out for lunch and even had tea together on my back porch. We had many talks about family, school, ballet and growing up. She was only 11, but had such in site into subjects that most of her peers would not even think about.

She struggled with being in dance anymore because she was troubled by the words to some of the music she was asked to dance to. She wondered if she would be a good older sister as she continued to grow up and asked why it was so hard to get older. She wanted her relationships to stay the same with her little sisters and brother, and she never wanted to be the "mean older sister".

She worried that she had trouble controlling her tongue and wanted to always say kind words and not to hurt anyone by something she might blurt out. She was on a quest to read through her Bible, and read each night under the covers in our guest bed with a tiny light glowing around her smiling face.

She came with us to play practice for the Wizard of Oz---a movie she had never seen. She sat watching as the kids learned dance moves to their parts. After a moment or two she ran to the back of the chorus line and learned the dance steps right along with all of the high school kids! She was able to pick it up so quickly that she showed us the entire dance in just a few minutes!

Then we went home and watched The Wizard of Oz together....she loved it!

She had the biggest hugs, the widest smile and seemed always ready for her next adventure. She loved to sit on our laps with her long arms draped over our necks and watch TV. Singing and dancing would burst spontaneously from her and she had the cutest laugh!

She loved her Lord Jesus for what he had done for her on the cross and was willing to serve God anyway He saw fit...but she hoped it was not being a nurse like her mom....she did not think she could handle all the blood! She wanted me to pick out books for her from my library that I thought she would like.....but not books with a predictable ending....(like everyone lived happily ever after). She wanted biographies of people who had made a difference....who had mattered...who had paid the price. Her eyes got wide as I told her about Fanny Crosby and Annie Sullivan and Helen Keller. She told me about Corrie Ten Boom and Indian captives that she had read about.

We stayed in the library a long time that afternoon talking and sharing and finally packing up a stack of books for her to take home. She didn't want to forget Jacob and had me pick out some books for him that I thought he might like as well.Then the time came for them to go home.

As we were standing waiting for the airplane to take her back to her mom and dad, she threw her arms around me for one last hug. It was tight, and long and she did not let go. She whispered into my shoulder, "I just want one more day grandma, just one more day...."

So do I Ashley, so do I.

Summer

Wow----has it really been over a month since I lasted posted.....where does the time go.

So to catch everyone up----summer is almost over for us---school will start the first week of September and that seems way too close! I have know idea what I am doing for this 22 year of this homeschooling adventure. 5 kids in my teaching care this year ----and not one of them LOVES to read! What am I to do? I have a huge library with some of the most amazing books on the planet, and no takers. Ahhhh to have the time to sit in my library and read all day.....

The dog, Racer, Josiah's companion dog, continues to be a fun companion. He is a little naughty when he is not on his leash and seems to find some pretty disgusting things to eat when he is off running around. But for the most part he has been a welcome addition to the family.

A hail storm of Biblical proportions took out my vegetable garden and herbs about a week ago. I did not have the heart to go down there all week. But yesterday I managed to walk through the ruin and see if anything was left. It pretty much looks like a weed whacker was let loose among the rows.....sigh. But I plan to cut everything back this week and give it all another chance.

With that hail storm, we got a torrential downpour, and with that we got flooding in our basement...the part in the basement that houses my library----all 10,000 books!!! After sucking up 10 gallons of water off of the floor, moving bookshelves and books, renting a carpet cleaner and trying to get the smell out of there---wiping down ALL 10,000 books---I think we are on an upswing. But the rain still may come and we have not fixed the leak where it came in during the first flood! Oh my---I get tired thinking about it all!

I have had a flurry of grand kids visit in the last few weeks. It was great---on the 4th of July, 13 out of the 14 grand babies were here visiting. It was noisy and loud and chaotic, but it was so cute seeing them all and watching them play! We had quite a few of them sleep overnight---"cousins camp" at grandmas. I must admit---I am not as young as I used to be and I have a little trouble keeping up with them all. Bedtime for grandma comes even a little sooner than some of the grand kids! But Jordan and Kate and Hannah and Chris and Daniel and Josiah are all great uncles and aunts and are great helpers to me! I could not have "cousins camp" without them!

So there you have it----a quick update on the past few weeks. The next few months will be busy with play practice starting (The Wizard of Oz) and a new ministry starting at the nursing home that I am running. Focus on the Family asked to air the show they did with me 10 years ago about our big, loud family. That should be on sometime in October, so that will be exciting all over again! Life is good----God loves me---- and the mountains are still there.....What else could I want!

Spring

I just spent the better part of the day out in the garden. What a lovely day. I weeded and planted and put fertilizer on all of the little seedlings that are taking root. My herbs from last year all seem to have made it through the very long winter, and are now bursting out of the ground with renewed strength!

I worked in the flower beds too and even cut a bouquet of lilacs and bleeding hearts for the table. It smells so yummy. Lilacs have to be one of natures most wonderful scents.....along with iris and jasmine and pansies and.....well you see what I mean.

When things seem a bit bleak, or life just isn't treating you quite right, a trip to the garden seems to make things a little better. The feel of the dirt between your toes and the life growing right in front of your eyes makes all the cares of this world fade away for a time and makes you smile.

I may have to spend a little more time out in my garden!

Racer

So we have been home for almost 2 weeks with our new dog, Racer. I could not have written a better plot for a story about a wonder dog and his boy! Josiah is loving having a new pal, and has taken to keeping up with his grooming and feeding schedule like he was a pro.

Racer has settled into life in Colorado like a native. He loves being outdoors running and chasing and sniffing! He runs along Josiah's bike as they go for adventures together. Racer always has his nose down smelling the fox and coyote and deer that roam our place when we are all fast asleep. He seems to make mental notes in his mind as to where the most interesting smells are, and wants to go back to them time and time again.

My son is like any other boy with a dog---happy, carefree and glad that it is summer! So am I.

Testing

In the morning we will be tested on what we have learned these past two weeks at training for CCI---Canine Companions for Independence. We have a written test and also a field test where we will go to the mall and see if we know what we are doing with these incredibly intelligent animals.


What have we learned? I have learned that raising dogs has alot in common with being a parent. The key is being consistent, fair and balanced. We can't ask the dogs to do something that they have not learned if they have not been taught it in the first place. We must teach them what we expect, discipline when it is not followed, and be consistent! Like being a good parent.

I have learned that my problems are minimal compared to many I have met these past two weeks. I have learned that Josiah's problems are minimal compared to many we have met these past two weeks! I have learned that a dog can make us forget our problems, even if just for a little while.

I have learned that I really love Colorado, even though the ocean is wonderful. I miss the lovely mountains and the pine trees and the great smell of the woods behind our house. I day dream about taking Racer on walks and working in our gardens and having all of the family over to meet our new companion. I do really want to get home to our life and our home.

I have learned that Jordan is quite possibly one of the best older brothers Josiah could have. He is helpful and willing but he also is the older brother. Josiah has a handicap, but he is still an annoying younger brother to Jordan sometimes, and Jordan doesn't take very much from him. For that I am grateful. I do not want any of my kids growing up thinking they can get away with things just because there is a wheelchair in the equation or their skin is a different color, or they are the opposite sex.

I have learned that alot of what I have learned is probably not on the test. I do know the answer to "If your dog is in public, and someone wants to pet him, what should you say?", or "If you meet a strange dog on the street what should you do to avoid a fight?"."What are the commands to get Racer to open the refrigerator?","How many times should you take your dog to the bathroom?" These I know----but I have learned so very much more.

school, dogs and moms

So our first week of dog training---or should I say "people" training has come to an end. We were matched with Racer, a black Lab-Retriever mix. He is 2 years old and been in training since he was 8 weeks. He knows and responds to over 40 voice commands and it is an incredible thing to see. We are learning all about these commands and how and when to use them. We are also learning about dog care and how important it is to take good care of this amazing creature!

Our days are long and filled with much information. It is hard to soak it all up and sometimes Josiah or I make mistakes. We say the wrong command, we correct on the command instead of correcting and then giving the command again----it is hard to keep everything straight! And the black hair that is everywhere is a little hard to get used to.

We have always had outside farm dogs since I was a little girl, so sharing our living space with this hairy, wiggly cutie is going to be an adjustment. We have to keep up on the grooming and brushing and it will cut down on some of the hair floating around---but there will always be some....I need to just adjust to this and move on!

Today we get a break from classes and from Racer. He is going back to visit his doggy buddies and the boys and I are going to Sea World. It is very close by and we just could not pass up the opportunity to go and check it out. Jordan has been an amazing help to me and Josiah. He is the brawn of this gang, hauling wheelchairs in and out of the trunk of the car, carrying Josiah down to the water's edge at the beach and just making himself helpful and saving my back. I could not have done this trip without him. Thanks Jordan!

Josiah is loving every minute with his new friend. He is petting and talking and loving him all the time. It is a sweet thing to see. Racer is a great dog and the best part is he ADORES me! ME! Does he not know that I am not really a dog lover? Chickens are my pet of choice! I have to admit that going into this I had some reservations. But once he started responding to Josiah and I and that tail got to wagging and those big brown eyes locked on to mine.....I was a goner! I do believe I am in love.......

So, one more week at school and we will be flying home to Colorado and our new life together. Josiah will have a built-in friend, the family will have a new pet that can do some pretty incredible things (Racer---get me a soda out of the fridge please!) and I will have learned that you can teach an old dog(me) new tricks.

Racer

We have been matched with a male Black Lab named Racer. He has the most expressive eyes I have ever seen! He has been trained to recognize and obey 30 or more voice commands----it is very impressive! So now the humans have the task of learning all of the commands and knowing when to use them!

It is much harder than it seems! The command for them to stop something they are doing and pay attention is "don't" The command for them to walk is "let's go" and the command for them to stand at your left side is "heel"---but now if you are left handed like I am and they need to be on your right side the command is "side". "Hurry" is the command to go potty...."kennel" is the command to go to their cage and so on. It is all common sense and every command must be well thought out before it is issued! But oh how was all get so confused...the humans that is!

The dogs just kinda stand there looking at us very patiently, waiting for us to get it right. Even if we mess up, they for the most part know what we REALLY want and do it! It is just amazing to watch!

And Josiah's face---when the dog does a command---like speak----well.....let's just say I have had some teary moments today!

The other children that are here getting dogs are becoming friends, as well as their parents. We have a commonality---we are all getting a dog---but the disabilities vary as well as the stories.

One family has waited 6 years to be here. Another 4. One family knows that their son may not outlive this dog. Another girl, so severely handicapped it is hard to see how this dog will help, has transformed into a smiling little girl each time the dog gets on her lap. And that is what it is all about! All the volunteers and all the hours and hours spent training these dogs....it is worth the smiles that are on the faces of all these children. I am so glad we are here!

Josiah's Adventure

My son, Josiah has CP. He can't walk and depends on a wheelchair to get around----or if he wants to go faster---he crawls! We are in California this week to be trained to bring home a Service Dog for him. Canine Companions for Independence is an amazing program that matches disabled people with dogs. We have been in the process of getting a dog for about 2 years. What with all the paperwork and interviews---this process has taken longer than some of my kid's adoptions!!!

We will stay here at this facility for 2 weeks learning the dogs training and getting training of our own. I will try to keep up this blog to let you know how things are progressing and how we all feel about what is going on!

My son Jordan is also with us to give me a hand with the wheelchair and lifting and to be our overall bodyguard!


Day 1-----We were introduced to the staff and to each of the other families that are here for a dog. Our class is small with only 5 families being trained. We had introductory lectures and films to start the day. Then they had us work on the commands that the dogs have been taught to listen to. We practiced on a dummy dog first---which was a little silly---and then they brought in 10 REAL dogs.

They have a few dogs in mind that may work out for us, and we worked with each of them to start with. Then each of the dogs were brought around to the wheelchairs all lined up in a row. It was amazing to see the faces of the kids as each dog came closer! Big smiles, giggles and laughter were all throughout the room.

The staff here are very nice and are willing to take all the time needed to make sure we all feel comfortable with the dogs and how we are handling them. But they also take this very seriously and even give quizzes and tests throughout the day----I even have to hand in a take home test this morning handed out last night!!!!

Last night after class we drove to the beach and watched the waves roll in and surfers doing their thing.
Since we have mountains as a backdrop at our home----the ocean was an amazing change of scenery. As the evening set in we found a theater and let Hugh Jackman entertain us on the 25 foot high screen!!!

This morning the sun is shining and the California birds are in full song---it looks to be a beautiful day! Day one was pretty great......we will see what day 2 brings!!!

Busy Times

Sorry I have not written in awhile. These are busy times at our home. Our family greenhouse is bursting with springtime---so the boys have work to get to every day after school. Homeschool is winding down as we are on the last few days of this school year. Everyone is trying to finish up with books that they certainly don't want to see next semester. Our daughter, Hannah has been very busy with speech competition and just qualified to go to the National Tournament in June with her very funny speech about out -houses! and we have re listed to sell our house.....again!



2 years ago my husband could see the economic slowdown coming, and to save money and cut back on expenses we decided to put our house on the market! Well, if any of you have had to get a house ready for market---you will know what I mean when I say I now have an ulcer! We had to repaint, de-junk and clean up around here. We have a large home, and guest house with 2 bedrooms and a very large horse barn with an apartment attached. We also have 10 acres of wooded land and many gardens and flower beds. Getting it all ready 2 years ago was a big job. but we did it----and then we waited.....and waited....and waited. For 2 years I had a nagging feeling in the back of my head that anytime we could get a call for a "showing". That meant that we had a short time to make it look like 9 people did not live, work and do school here every day---24 hours a day. It had to be picked up and tidy and look like a House Beautiful home in a matter of hours!!!



But in 2 years time we had a total of 3 showings....3!!!!!! So of course as time went by and there was not a flurry of activity, things kinda slipped back to "comfortable" around here. Books were stacked up beside beds. Lego castles were left out to admire. My desk was taken over by the paper monster that lurks under it somewhere. Things went back to being a home---not a "House Beautiful".



So this last week we decided to get serious again with selling this place. New cans of paint were bought, old floors were torn out and closets were de-junked again. The Realtor came for a walk-through of my beautifully clean, de-junked house that we all had worked so hard on again. Even my desk looked clean and organized! She did not comment too much on anything, but as she was leaving she mentioned that she would have her "stager" give us a call to come over and discuss a few things about what to do to make the house look "more sell able"!



What did that mean----"more sell able"? Does it mean that she doesn't like how I decorate! Did she not see how neat and clean everything was! Who is this intruder who will waltz in and tell ME what my home should look like!



As you can tell.....I have a pretty bad attitude about this whole thing...I am trying not to take it personally----even though every corner of my house reflects some aspect of me...every picture on the wall has been hand picked and hung by me..cherished photos of dead relatives smile at me as I pass them hanging on the walls.....I know what she is going to point out---I already know what she is going to say....but I am kicking and screaming about it already....



She comes on Tuesday....pray that I am reasonably civil to her and that I don't burst into tears when she says the old portrait of my dead great, great aunt hanging in the foyer has got to go!

My Voice

So last night I slowly lost my voice. I had gotten a little under the weather as the week had progressed since I was in Maryland with sick grand kids. And as the sickness got progressively worse---my voice disappeared. So this morning I could only whisper. Now this is not really good when you have 7 kids at home---6 needing to be home schooled---and lots and lots to do.

Today I was going to give an oral quiz in geography and also do spelling tests and math flash cards. I usually read for about 45 minutes every morning to the kids from a Bible story book, This Day in History book, and a novel----this month's selection is The Day No Pigs Would Die.
But since I could only whisper I decided to postpone the quiz, spelling tests and any other thing that would require talking on my part.

But I had this great idea to let the kids read out loud from the books I read from every morning. I did not think they would want to miss a chapter---esp. in the novel since they all seem to enjoy this particular story. But boy was I wrong! They all let out a collective moan and swore that they did not want to listen to someone else read---esp. since they would not get the voices right!!! They wanted to wait till I got to feeling better and to please not make them read!!!!

Awwwww! I was really touched by that. They DO like to hear me read. They aren't just sleeping or tuning out while I drone on and on for 45 minutes! What a bunch of sweet kids!

But I still made them read---cause I wanted to know what happened in the next chapter!!!

People

People are funny. I have tried to figure them out all my life---but I am always found lacking. My newest wonder with people is something that has puzzled me many times before---but always when it presents itself, I am always surprised!

Why would anyone take a job working with the public when they don't like people? Case in point----today while checking out at Walmart, the cashier helping me was a 20's something young lady. She was sullen and somber----rude actually----and even my 13 year old notice her behaviour. My question is always the same----if you dislike people so much why do you take a job that involves people ALL the time? I doubt it was just a bad day in her case---she just seemed like a sullen, somber person who was bothered that I had gotten in her lane.

I can bet you that if she was offered 1 million dollars to pick me out of a line-up---she would be unable--that is how little she looked at me. She grunted when I talked to her, and did not thank me for pointing out to her that she undercharged me for 4 items. She did not help with any of the bags and seemed put out that I needed to let her see my credit card. Now tell me this---where was her manager----where was the hidden camera monitoring her? In this age of unemployment and people out of work----don't you think that there would be a line of people willing to take her job and be kind and considerate to the customers?

I smiled at her and talked to her and will continue to be kind to sullen, somber cashiers....but I will still always wonder.....

Snow Storms

I am sitting in a hotel room in Denver watching the blizzard of 2009 swirl past my windows. The pool below me has steam coming off of it and looks a little out of place in the mad winter/spring snowstorm.

Snow in Colorado is not unusual; in fact for March it is pretty common place. We are more likely to have snow at Easter out here in the West than at Christmas! But is always seems to surprise me....even though I have lived here for almost 15 years. Each time we get a few springlike days with high 70 degree weather, I get to thinking maybe we will get passed by for our spring snow. I get out the seed catalogs and start planning the garden. I go to Walmart and see if they have any new garden tools that I just HAVE to have. I even go out to my son's greenhouse and see if he has any early pansies or snapdragons that I might plant out to make spring hurry along just a bit.

And every year without fail I am shocked back into the reality of living in Colorado----this time it is suppose to be 12-18 inches worth of shock! An me and my 2 girls and 3 extra friends all in a hotel about 75 miles from home!!!

We came up to Denver for a speech tournament that was to last the entire weekend. We were all looking forward to it so much. Old friends, great competition, and a little time away in Denver. The flowers are blooming up here and the trees are budded out...always such a nice time to be in Denver.

But the snow started this morning and they closed the college down where the meet was being held, and with no option of driving all the way back home we headed for the hotel. What is usually a 15 minute drive turned into a 60 minute crawl, and all of us traveling in our 15 passenger van!!!! Talk about stressful.

But we made it and we are all safe and sound-----the girls are all in their PJ's watching a movie and texting friends. I am catching up on emails and this blog, and springtime in the Rockies is howling outside around the lonely pool below my window sill.

Our President

Ok-----don't get me wrong....I would wonder this if McCain had won and this was happening. What in the world is the President of the United States doing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno? Will this be the way that the current administration talks to Americans? I just don't get it.

Jay Leno is crass and vulgar, interviews some of the most bizarre people in the news and doesn't seem to really add anything to our nation except a handful of poorly written jokes. And our President appears on his show? Is Oprah next---or maybe Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer?

Is this the way that America is going to find out what is going on in Washington---through Late Night Comedy Shows? Whose idea was this? The PR people at the White House are sure needing to get a little higher standard for public display of our President!

And while I am on it.....Michelle Obama was visiting a school yesterday in Washington D.C. In the photo op. the room was filled with young black students all talking with her. Mrs. Obama was talking about her struggling in school and working hard for her "A". She was recorded as saying "I got teased my whole life for talking funny like a white girl----that did not stop me from getting my "A"!" Hmmmmmm! Should that talk bug me? I kinda does---not because I talk funny or anything.....but can you imagine if the table was reversed and something about a black person was compared........Shouldn't everyone get outraged over unfair statements.....even if we are white?

Josiah

We got the call yesterday that we have been waiting for for well over a year.....the call that will change some things around here for good. Our son Josiah, has been approved to fly to San Diego for 2 weeks of training to receive a service dog from Canine Companions.

Josiah has CP and is in a wheelchair. Canine Companions train dogs to be helpers and friends to the handicapped. A dog will be matched to Josiah's personality and disability while he is in California, and then they both will be taught how to get along with each other. Subtle commands and signals will be learned and practiced till they are both comfortable with each other. Then we all fly home with a new member of the family.

My only hesitation is this......the dog has to become a "member of the family"! Now don't get me wrong---I like dogs, have had a dog my whole life, grew up with dogs. But the dog----was a dog....not a member of the family. The paperwork I had to fill out to get this dog was almost as thick as some of the paperwork we had to submit in order to adopted some of our children! I have to promise that the dog will have regular check-ups (I can do that), regular exercise(I can do that too) and that it will have grooming and personal hygiene done each week (personal hygiene???) In other words, I have to brush this dog's teeth! (I think we have a problem)!

OK----that just seems gross to me. BRUSH HIS TEETH! I don't know. Isn't there some product out there that the dog can chew on and get that accomplished without me having to step in? This may be interesting.....

But Josiah is very excited and can't wait to get his new "friend". The dog's purpose is to bridge the gap between the wheelchair and other people and Josiah. This dog will be a magnet for people to come and talk and get to know Josiah and not be put off by his handicap. It should be interesting to see how it all turns out.

Just hope no one gets too close to check out the dogs' teeth---they may be dirty!

Yard Work

About this time of year I am so anxious to get outside and play in the garden. I already have a drawer full of seeds waiting to be planted. The tool shed is cleaned and ready to go with all of my hoes and shovels lined up in a straight row looking like little soldiers waiting for their marching orders. The robins and bluebirds are back----a sure sign that spring is here.

But I live in Colorado----spring likes to tease us for 2 months or more before it decides to really settle down and stay put. Just two nights ago we had a covering of light snow on the ground and the robins were all looking for a warm place to spend the evening! The next day it was in the 60's and a bright sun was melting all the evidence from the night before.

But I am not deterred.....being in the garden is one of the best places for me to be. The warm soil, the smell of the young plants, the bees and butterflies keeping me company. I never ever thought of yard or garden work as a chore----just a wonderful way to spend some time outside.

Well yesterday, in our Pastor's sermon , he said something that made me rethink my favorite hobby. He has been preaching from Genesis and last week he covered the fall of man from the Garden of Eden. Sad story----really sad. But this week he talked about the curses that resulted from that fall......more sad stories.

He talked about the pain in childbirth (been there) and how the snake would crawl in the dust (seen that), but then he touched on how the earth would be cursed and we would have to really work hard to get anything to grow after the fall and that man would have to eat with sweat on his brow all the days of his life.

He then went on to talk about yard work---and how we are always in a constant struggle to keep things looking right---mowing, fertilizing, weeding, spraying, tilling replanting. A struggle that never ends----we always have to keep up with it---ALWAYS---if we want anything to grow.
And then he said----"you work the ground all your life trying to keep it under control---and in the end---the ground will win and swallow you up and you will be buried 6 feet deep in it!" Hmmmmmm...........

Can I be buried in the herb garden right under the mint?

So much to do.....

I have been slow to return to this blog in the last few days. It seems that life just sped up to a higher gear and I have been waiting for the return to cruise speed. But I don't think that is going to happen any time soon. So because of sleep issues, and having nothing else to distract me at 4am~~I can return here to jot down some thoughts.

This weekend I have been surrounded by adults and teens alike at a speech competition that my girls are participating in. It is a great group of people who are creative and smart and funny. It has been so wonderful to see the friendships made and the memories being created.

But I also found myself being critical of some things that I have seen, and witnessed some pretty bad behaviour on the part of some involved in the meet. Short tempers, rude speech and some pretty ugly displays that have added up to unkindness. And my spirit tends to be critical alot of the time....I can always see what is wrong....I always think I can do it better. I hate that!

So this morning I am making a vow to try to work on this critical side of me that I do not like. I want to speak words of life into others---not gossip,encourage~~~~ not tear down,build up ~~~not bring down. No easy task when you can "see how much better you could do it" or know that "this is really not the way it ought to be done!!!!"

I want to find the verses in the Bible that will help me walk through this vow and put them to memory....so that they can flash in front of my brain when I start to gossip or complain.

Dear Lord---Help me as I am weak and need your reminding and your strength to make this vow a part of my life---EVERY day!

Sleeping

I have this sleeping problem.....I just can't sleep. Well.....I sleep but not very well and not without help---Ambien CR---Sleepytime Tea---Melatonin. Some nights I wake at 11:30 pm and NEVER fall back to sleep----other nights I wake and fall back to sleep 20 times. Some nights I lay awake waiting for sleep to come for 3 plus hours.

I have read every book printed on sleep. Done every thing anyone has suggested from warm milk, glasses of wine, no naps,no food, nothing stimulating like scary movies before bed....everything!!! Not much has helped.....it is the way it goes.

But what I am crazy about is my husband. The minute my husband lays his head on the pillow---I can count on both hands about how long it is before he is snoring contentedly....how does this happen??? I just don't get it! He assures me that he does not sleep as soundly as he did years ago when we were both younger~~~but as far as I can tell in less time than it takes to count to 10, he is sleeping soundly and snoring!!!! It just does not seem fair!

I just want a little fairness in my old age.....and a little sleep.....YAWN!

Happy Birthday Dad

Today would have been my dad's birthday. He died when I was 29 from lung cancer. A smoker most of his life, it caught up to him while he was in his 60's. So sad.

My dad was so handsome~~~tall, dark hair~~~blue eyes.....a real good looking man. He worked at heavy construction building roads and bridges. He drove those huge machines that moved dirt and trees and rocks. He came home every night exhausted and dirty and hungry. He never went out at night and rarely went anyplace with out one of us along.

He was surrounded by females in the house---even the dog was a girl! But he was patient with us and kind and if he got enough of all of us he would retreat to his garage/workshop to listen to talk radio and fix things.

He never had any sons, so as I grew, since I was a tom boy, my dad got me things like race car tracks and basketballs. I will never forget the Saturday that he put the basketball hoop up on the garage door and taught me to shoot! He had a big smile on his face and I was in heaven.

He drove many miles during my high school years hauling me back and forth to play practice and speech team and competitions. He never grumbled or complained, even though now I know he must have been so tired by his heavy work all day and just wanted to sit in the TV room and watch Huntley and Brinkley.

He did not graduate high school, having to drop out after his own dad died, but my dad was one of the smartest men I knew. He read constantly---even taking books along with him to read during lunch break. He was up every morning by 4am with a pot of coffee and the newspaper, catching up on all the news from around the world. He could speak about any subject and was a master at many---like UFO's! I got my love a reading from my dad.....what a wonderful gift to give to your child.

I miss my dad today----I miss my dad every day. He was a wonderful , quiet guy who made a deep impression on this daughter of his. Love you dad.

Running with Scissors

Naming this blog was the first important thing to do. Boring titles like "Musings from Lynn" or "Books, Tea and Me" were already being used . I wanted something catchy, but also something that said a little about me.

Those of you old enough to remember going to public school back in the 60's may remember the report cards they gave out in kindergarten. The standard "A, B, C , D and F grades were not introduced until grade school. The kindergarten class, however, was measured by "S" for Satisfactory "N" for Needs Improvement and "U" for Unsatisfactory.

Such skills as "Sharing", "Takes Her Turn" and "Nap Time" were all measured by this grading scale. They had a self control and safety column that had as one of its headings "Runs With Scissors". I got a "N" in this column more than once.

It wasn't like I was trying to be dangerous----I was just excited to be allowed to use a pair of scissors! At our home, my mom had a pair of silver sewing scissors with a dot of red fingernail polish applied to the handle. That dot was to remind you to NEVER, EVER use these scissors---EVER.

They were her revered sewing scissors only meant for cloth----no paper was to ever touch their lips. And boy would my mom know it if you did use them to cut out valentines from construction paper or to cut off the box top of a cereal box to send away for the cool prize Tony the Tiger was offering.

But temptation over took me a time or two~~~and did I catch it. Scissors were off limits in my house. PERIOD! So the morning the kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Boyle, said were were going to be cutting PAPER in class I could not control myself! We all took a turn walking up to her big oak desk and checking out our own pair of scissors! On my desk was a stack of colorful construction paper---and in my hand was the forbidden item---SCISSORS!

Of course I RAN back to my desk----she might change her mind and tell me that these scissors were not for cutting out hearts and flowers and shapes---and that I had to give them back! But she didn't. She kindly warned me NOT to run with scissors in my hand because I could fall and get hurt---seriously hurt!

And then when the report cards came later on that fall, there was the big "N" next to "Runs With Scissors"!

I still run with scissors. Not literally anymore----but throughout life. How fun would it have been to be cautious all the time and safe? If caution was my guide, I would have never gotten up on stage and played opposite a huge white rabbit named Harvey that no one could see. If playing it safe was my goal, then I bet I would not have been throw off the school bus for being too loud with my friends!

Riding on the back of a motorcycle with~~ a boy~~when I was 14 without my parents knowledge would not have been an options for the play- it- safe girl. Getting married at 18 to my high school sweetheart and staying with it for 34 years has been alot of work----but not safe.

24 children coming in and out of our lives these past 30 years is not a safe course to take. Fun. exciting, heartbreaking, dangerous---YES! SAFE---NO!

So I titled my blog "Runs with Scissors" to remind me of the not so safe path I have taken at times in my life---and to nudge me to "run" a little more while I still have time.

Creating a blog!

Creating a blog.....can someone who has little to no computer knowledge save opening ones email and checking facebook, really be able to create a blog?! WHY NOT! I have read many blogs by others who were of my generation and older.....I should be able to do this. Now the question is...do I really have anything to say that anyone would want to read? Ahh---now that is the question.

I love to read---maybe I could talk about all of the books I have read or are reading......

I love gardening---esp. herb gardening---maybe I could write a blog on that.

I have 23 children----would anyone want to read anything about what it has been like raising 23 children? Hmmm---could get boring....maybe even depressing in spots. But then again it could make a few out there laugh and be glad it was not them....or make them want to have kids...

I have homeschooled for over 20 years----would that be something that I could talk about? Could I give a few tips on what I found that worked and what just was a big waste of time and money?

So many options----guess I will just have to wait and see what I feel like talking about each day.