Sometimes you just don't feel like it!

Sometimes you just don't feel like it. You don't feel like getting out of bed in the morning. You don't feel like going grocery shopping to fill those empty cupboards.You certainly don't feel like paying bills, disciplining kids or taking out the trash.  You don't feel like doing much of anything. I have had the better part of three weeks feeling this way----I just don't feel like it!

And such great timing for this to happen. Thanksgiving is this week, Christmas is right around the corner, and I am the chief cook and bottle washer for both of these events in our family. What if I just cancelled everything? What if I sent out a mass email to all the family saying---"I just don't feel like it"! How could I even entertain such an idea? How un-motherly of me. What happened to Whole-Hearted Parenting--Mother-Culture and all the other things that I once embraced as a mom? What about all those seminars I attended---some that I even spoke at-- that encouraged me to be the life-bringer to my family? SIGH.

I am usually an upbeat, positive person that sees the glass half- full and a bright rainbow over every  cloud. But this dark, feel-sorry-for-myself attitude has hung around a little too long.I just can't seem to shake it. And even though I do have some circumstances in my life that should cause me to be sad and let-down, that doesn't usually mean that it should affect me as it has. But sometimes down is the only way it seems to go.

Then this week I read something that changed my entire attitude this week as a mom, as a Christian, as a person. We have been reading Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts" for our bookclub. Her writing style is different, to say the least, and sometimes I got lost in her imagery. But more often than not, as I was reading along, something she said would just jump off the page at me and tuck itself deeply in my heart. She talks alot about thankfulness and looking at our life through a completely different lens---the lens of Eucharisteo (thanks). You will have to read the book yourself to get all of the meaning in that one word. But one of the quotes that dramatically changed my attitude this week I would love to share with you.

"Are stress and worry evidences of a soul too lazy, too undisciplined to keep gave fixed on God?"--Ann Voskamp    


That was it! I had stress. I had worry. And I was too undisciplined! Why did I have "spiritual Alzheimers" (another one of her nuggets)? Why did I keep forgetting about Him? What a dummy I am. I had tried everything from shopping to sleeping to crying and nothing was working to get me out of my funk. But here it was---in black and white written by a pig farmer's wife in Canada. Someone that I may never meet, but that brought me back to the truth that I knew all along but was not applying in my life. He is always there....even when I don't feel like it, HE does. So after a little confessing, a little praying and a little singing I feel better. 100%? No--not yet~~ but better.

And now I do" feel like it". So bring on that turkey--stuffing--cranberries--dirty dishes--mess and chaos that goes along with all family holidays. I am ready. I am smiling. I FEEL LIKE IT!

Book club

I belong to a book club that meets at my home once a month. It was started a few years back and has had many members come and go over the months that we have been meeting. Some took full time jobs and did not have the luxury of sipping tea and eating brownies and talking about literature and authors at 1:30 on a Friday afternoon.

Others left because of the choice of the books we were reading, or the discussions we had about "other things" during our meetings. (We tend to go off on many, many rabbit trails). Some gave no reason, but just stopped coming.

But now our group has a core of about 9 ladies that come regularly with some visitors thrown in each month. Let me tell you about this group!

WE have alot of fun. We laugh and eat and read together some pretty amazing---and some pretty awful books--[no titles mentioned but we know who you are]!

We talk about our kids and our families and our backgrounds. We share stories about things that have happened to us that month, or things from the past that have taught us a lesson or two. We talk about the authors, the conflicts, the heroes, the settings. We make plans to see the movies based on the books we just read. We are even kicking around a "field trip" to one of the countries we read about (Ladies...can we PLEASE read Under the Tuscan Sun?)

But most of all we can be ourselves in this group. No agendas. No judging. No lectures. No preaching. Just a group of great, strong women who have seen a thing or two in this life, and enjoy being with others who let them be themselves. We all walk away from our Friday meeting with a smile and a sigh that we are going to be ok. That we are accepted for who we are, and that someone loves me.

We also walk away happy when someone loves that great book just as much as we do---and kind of puzzled why anyone would think THAT book was any good! But that is the beauty of book club.

Love you book club ladies!

Thankfulness has been neglected

So I have to admit, I have neglected posting things on this page for a long time. I have been feeling sorry for myself lately, and it is hard to post things that I am thankful for when I don't feel thankful. Life had gotten in the way. Maybe the little things have just built up to where it is hard to see past them. Maybe the big things are so big that it is hard to see around them. Maybe I am just selfish and don't want to see anything good right now.

But just because I don't feel it does not mean I can't be thankful. Just because I don't feel God's love does not mean it is not there. This life cannot be based on feelings---it has to be based on trusting in the things I believe and know to be true. And one of those things is that I have alot to be thankful for. So the list continues:

Thankfulness List

Snow covering my bird feeders but persistent birds still getting breakfast
The canary's lovely voice
The taste of homemade bread with homemade jam
Selling 8 books on amazon in one day!
A new candle to burn while writing letters
Writing letters on beautiful paper
The dear ones I am writing to
Planning a trip to Europe soon
Travel guides fetched from the library
A new book on my night stand waiting to be discovered

 To stop feeling sorry and to start feeling glad...

Thankfulness revisited

Thankfulness list continues:

Sunday mornings
Waking up to a light dusting of snow on the ground
A puppy waiting at my bedroom door to greet me

The promises held in a new day

Thankful to be able to experience the wonderful gift called Nature that is all around me.

Springtime

Isn't this a beautiful sight? This was taken last year on a trip I made to Holland during their world famous Tulip Festival! Words cannot describe how amazing this place was. Acres and acres of flowers as far as the eye could see. Incredible colors and designs with something more gorgeous around the next corner. I was memorized by the beauty.

  About this time of year I start to get antsy for spring. Colorado is not the place to live if you want an early spring. Snow is much more common in April here than in December. We can have a 65 degree day and then get a foot of snow overnight. Don't get me wrong---I love living in Colorado---but if I had unlimited resources I would move away for the months of March , April and May to a place that has REAL springtime...like Holland.

So today I am going to look at my Holland pictures, and maybe go to my local grocery store and see if I can find a big bunch of tulips to bring home and put a little spring on my dining room table.

Thankful list for today:

Wonderful places to visit in this world
Memories to keep
Pictures to keep those memories alive
The promise of spring every year
Being content to wait for it!

Piercing The Darkness Day

    Today is Piercing the Darkness Day. Participants are to leave encouraging words written on a slip of paper in a place where someone who needs them will find them. It is to be done anonymously, and with much stealth. The premise is to Pierce the Darkness with kind, encouraging words that we could all use.  I am in! I can always use some encouragement and kindness. And to my shame, it seems like I hold back on doing this for others thinking that they will view me as being insincere or corny. Well the heck with that! I am going to see how many people I can encourage today. Who is in?


Thankfulness List

Fresh snow blanketing the forest.
Homemade peach jelly
Glasses that help me to see
The anticipation of getting my shoe inserts today so I can walk painlessly
Cozy fires
Sleepy smiles
The smell of fresh brewed coffee
Seed catalogs in the heart of winter
Amaryllis and paper whites blooming in the bay window while the snow is falling outside

The List continues

Thankful for:

My baby son's 15th birthday today
Chocolate Funny Cake
Tiny little brown birds at the feeder
Wind that sounds like the ocean
Long chats on the phone with a kindred spirit
Sons that kiss me goodbye before leaving for work
The words "I love you" said at each parting
Great smelling shampoo
The ability to walk without searing pain
The realization that everything is going to be ok


Today I venture out on a full day away from my home and off of bed rest. It cannot be avoided. I am taking it slow and have good shoes and inserts in place to protect my feet. I am looking forward to getting out and about, but I am also a little nervous about how I will feel after the day is over. I will still have a birthday party to run once I get back. I will keep you updated on the progress!

The wind is blowing today and for a moment when I awoke this morning I thought I was near the ocean. The wind sounded just like waves crashing against the shore. I am longing for the ocean. Colorado would be perfect if it had an ocean. Maybe I should get my shell collection out and put it in a prominent place, bringing a little of the ocean to me. Just leave the seagulls in Florida---I don't miss them.

Thankfulness Journal

  I have been reading "One Thousand Gifts". It is a quirky book written in a very different writing style that is not easy to just pick up and read. You almost have to set time aside to read a little and then think about it, read a little more and then ponder some more. But in this book, the author challenges herself to make of list of 1000 things that she is thankful for; an ongoing list that she adds to each day, week, year. Before Thanksgiving, alot of us on Facebook took that challenge for the month of November. It was interesting to see what all of my friends came up with to be thankful for. Family, friends, spouses, health. Those were of course listed. But others wrote in about that particular pink cloud they had seen at sunrise or the steam on the mirror of their bathroom after a long, hot bath.

  Just recently in another blog I follow, the writer has given herself the challenge to cast aside negative thoughts as they come to her each day and make a concerted effort to think positively instead. Out with the negative--in with the positive. Sounds easy at first, but when you really start to analyze the typical day, I bet most of us could say that the negative thought patterns outweigh the positive ones. No examples are necessary I am sure.

  So in an attempt to see my world in a positive light all this month----maybe even till February---I will try to make my own list of things that I am thankful for each day. Feel free to add to this list as you see fit.

God's Love
Children that grow up and make you smile
Grandchildren that are squeezable, huggable and kissable
The cozy crocheted blanket on my bed that my very missed mother made for me
Warm socks
Authors who write something worth reading
Dinner made by a friend
Lady Earl Grey Tea in a sturdy china cup early in the morning before anyone else is awake
The feeling you get when you open your eyes first thing in the morning and you know it is going to be a wonderful day.
Christmas shopping in October
My chickens
My canary
A REAL letter from a dear friend that arrives in your REAL mailbox
Beautiful stationary
Wax seals with initials printed in them
Anything Victorian
Springtime bulbs
Listening to the ocean--anytime
The owl's hooting just outside my bedroom window
Dancing like a teenager even when I am not one
Singing along with Paul McCartney from the 2nd row
Yelling for that winning touchdown in overtime---Go Broncos
Hearing an old gospel song that brings tears to my eyes
Taking a deep breath and knowing that things are going to fine
Feet that work
Doctors that are smart
Movies that are worth the time it takes to watch them
Blogging sights where you can write and write and write


More later....

Resting

  So this month has been a real change in lifestyle for me. I have been put on bed rest to let my injured feet heal from over use and very poor choices in shoes. This summer I was on my feet alot working a job I loved. Walking on concrete with Crocs is not a good combination for middle aged feet. As a direct result of this, both  feet were damaged. Now the healing process needs to include NO WALKING!!!

  At first all I could think of was how wonderful it would be to dive into that huge pile of books on the shelf that I never seemed to get a chance to read. Hour after luxurious hour would be spent lost in another persons words and worlds. And I have had the pleasure of doing just this. But after awhile, the old eyes get tired, the backside gets numb and the patient gets restless.

  So----as a change of pace, I picked up my paints and started to watercolor. Years ago I had a few lessons and discovered that I had no artistic talent, but that I still loved this art medium. So off I went on an art adventure. I have LOVED it! The bright colors, the smell of the paint, the texture of the paper were just what I needed to give a little spark to my bed rest!

  So half way through my bed rest vacation I have to say I am enjoying myself. Books are being consumed, paintings are being created  and my feet are healing! I am going to purchase sensible, feet nurturing shoes next week, and make sure I do my exercises like the doctor ordered. But the minute I am allowed to drive I am heading to the art store downtown. I think this bed rest may have sparked my interest in painting again. Let's just hope these new shoes can also give me some artistic talent....  one can always hope!