Can you miss someone that never took a breath of air. Never opened his eyes on this beautiful world? Never got a chance to meet his loving family? 14 years ago tomorrow, my son Abram, died at 9 months gestation. He weighed 7 1/2 pounds, had fat chubby cheeks and a mass of black wavy hair. He looked perfect---but still...so very still.
You see there was an emergency, and I did not get to the hospital in time for them to save him. He went straight to heaven without having uttered one single sound. I almost died in the emergency and was not able to really process what had really happened until much later. After a week in ICU we were finally able to lay his sweet small body to rest. The casket was so tiny. The grave was so vast.
After 14 years, with so much time gone by, I still wonder what he would look like, how tall he would be, what color his hair would be. Would he love to read? Or would he love sports more? Would he want to be a greenhouse guy or would he be the Dr. in the family? No doubt he would be spoiled rotten...since he would be the youngest. How would our family dynamics be changed with this other little person in our lives?
I DO miss Abram. I miss not knowing him. I miss not hugging him. I miss not being able to teach him how to read, ride a bike, ask a girl out on a date. I miss the person I may have been having known him.
He will always be that cute, chubby cheeked baby to me that was still...so very still.
Happy Birthday in heaven Abram.
mom
The Return of the Fireflies
9 months ago
